Workplace Whoopee- git it

How to get laid at the office holiday party without incurring a harassment suit.

By Nina Christensen

While it’s a dreaded obligation to many, to the enterprising hookup artist, the office party is the perfect opportunity to chat up an office crush outside of work and perhaps even get frisky. You know the official stance on this: It's a bad idea. But remember, that's also what "experts" once said about sailing across the Atlantic. Or something.

Anyway, if you’ve got your mind set on flirtation, we’re here for you. We asked experts for their best tips on getting laid on company time.

The pregame
Steve Santagati, best-selling author of The Manual, suggests you pick out your object of desire well before the party and “plant seeds” by complimenting the person or stopping by their desk more often to “get in their head.” Show them an edgier side of you, appear a bit naughty and test the waters with comments like, “Would you report me to HR if I said [Insert naughty innuendo here]?” Santagati preaches caution, however, noting that “this sexual harassment bullshit has ruined all the fun at the workplace.”

The wardrobe
The next important step is picking out something to wear. Jessica Rozler and Andrea Lavinthal, authors of The Hookup Handbook: A Single Girl’s Guide to Living it Up, advise, “You want to look attractive and approachable, but not rent by the hour.” Thus, no “chin-high cleavage or exposed chest hair.” For women to get noticed, Rozler suggests some color or a great pair of shoes. Santagati, meanwhile, advises men that girls want to imagine a bad boy who might slap their ass or grab their hair in bed. Go for the “I don’t give a fuck look," he says, "with an AC/DC T-shirt and a pair of jeans.”

The approach
"Redfox," a financial adviser and noted hookup master at Edward Jones, recalls an infamous holiday party a few years ago where he and a coworker had sex on the boss’s desk. The two were griping about how much they hated their boss and agreed that having sex on his desk would be the perfect revenge. “We were two consenting adults united in the hatred for one man,” says Redfox. Look around and try to find a common agenda to unite you with your object of desire.

The gamble
The Sklar brothers, twin comedians who have appeared in Entourage and Curb Your Enthusiasm, suggest the following: “Take a tray of appetizers into the bathroom with the person. Don't tell them why. Enjoy the appetizers and comment on how delicious and fun this little ‘picnic’ is turning out to be. Then as you’re leaving, explain that you've just illustrated how it can be fun to eat where you shit.” Humor is one of the best ways to a woman’s heart, and food to a man’s, so this advice works for both sexes.

The endgame
Don’t get discouraged if you're striking out like A-Rod in October. “It’s all about endurance,” says Jerron Harris, an NYC bartender who has watched these holiday shindigs go down a million times. “The ‘square’ ones usually leave early and those remaining are the most willing to get rowdy.” Lavinthal encourages, “Stay strong! Wait it out with the stragglers and you’re guaranteed to go home with one of the last (and most intoxicated) people standing.” That's a pep talk you won't get from HR.

Thanksgiving Eve Debauchery

Alicia Keys at the Apple Store

While on assignment to interview tourists on fifth ave (I am so a pee-on) I stumbled upon a large crowd outside the Apple Store on Fifth Ave- and whadyaknow- Alicia Keys was performing live! She started off with that song that's on every station all at the same time and about 100 times a day and I just went nuts. I called everyone I know, grabbed an Alicia Keys poster out of someones hands, and pushed my way to the front to snap some pictures, all while singing along to Miss Keys at the top of my lungs. I may have shed some tears as well.

My love for inanimate objects

I recently got a Blackberry because life was just getting too hectic without one. I just would like to express how much I love my new blackberry. It has changed my life. I have never loved an inanimate object this much since I first professed my love to my rabbit. And then recently I just got a space heater that's noiseless and temperature controlled. I really love that too. So those are the 3 things I can't live without right now. Rabbit, Blackberry, & space heater- Life essentials for all women.

Halloween 2007

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This year I fell into the category of "Girls Who Use Halloween as an Excuse to Dress Up Slutty." I strutted around in nothing but a sparkly bra and underwear and fishnets (and an awesome microphone headpiece! It's all about the details). To my defense I wasn't like all the other girls who went as Sexy this or thats that aren't meant to be sexy like say, Sexy Bee, Sexy Ladybug, or...er...Sexy Candy Corn (WTF?). I got dressed (or undressed) as someone who was meant to look sexy....Britney Spears (at the VMAs). Booo yaaaa.

We'll miss you Tomson

I just got the news today that a dear friend of mine was killed in a motorcycle accident in Thailand. There's not much to say that won't sound terribly trite in this situation. Tomson was the biggest free spirit I have ever met (and if you couldn't perceive that upon meeting him he let you know with a tattoo on his arm that said Freedom in Thai) and he always encouraged me to stop being so reserved (and just sleep with him!). When we first met, he flattered me by telling me I was the most beautiful girl he's ever seen (I fall for this every time), and continued to court me in the romantic German way of telling me all the things he would do to me in bed and that he would reserve the most expensive hotel room for us. Sigh. Over 3 years he has never reneged on his offer (a man of his word!). My fondest memories of Tomson are sharing our love for baked potatoes (his with sauerkraut)at the tree top bar, watching him walk the runway at BKK's Fashion week, sharing buckets and dancing wildly at the clubs, and the fact that if I ever wanted to see him I could always find him on Kao San road sitting on the curb or riding his bike. On my last night in Bangkok I finished a bottle of tequila and Tomson rode me back to my guest house in the basket of his bicycle. There we shared our first and last kiss...I don't want to sound terribly cliche but, really, life is short, take the hotel room.