Weekend Soundbites:

Me: They must have been drinking. It smells like old man farts in here.
Michele: Is that different from black man farts?
Me: All I know is it smells like my dad's farts and that's very different from a young white guy fart.
Michele: I love you.
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Tim licks my finger for some reason.
Me: That's lovely and all but you do realize I just put in a tampon with that finger right?
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Me: I'm a writer.
Guy: A ride-ah? What's a ride-ah?
(Not sure when I started talking like Tony Soprano).
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4A.M.
Sailor: Where can we go at this hour?
Me: There's an awesome 24 hour McDonald's on 28th and Lex.
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Mary: Did you ever figure out what the rotting garbage smell was in your apartment?
Me: Yeah. It was rotting garbage.