Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Monday, July 30, 2007


Friday night we went out for Kate's birthday. Had dinner at Siam. Went to Red after. That's about all I can remember.

Spent Saturday puking up what I assume I drank and ate the night before.

Rainy Sunday...Got some Thai take-out. Watched Zodiac. Thought the movie was going to be gory like Seven but it wasn't. And Jake Gyllenhaal playing a "retard" is still hot. Thumbs up movie.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Oh Jeeezus!

Walking down Washington street today I noticed a woman in her 60's holding a dry erase board up as a sign. It read:

"You have to be Roman Catholic to get into Heaven."

Oh shit. I guess the suicide bombers didn't get the memo.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

What, No cake?

Today was my 1 year anniversary at my current place of employment. Woo.
"Congratulations, you haven't killed yourself yet."

Monday, July 23, 2007

Things I wondered about today

Upon waking up:
1) If you've been doing something every single day of your entire life, wouldn't it somehow get easier? I just can't understand why it is so fucking difficult to wake up every morning when I've done it 9,131 times before.

While at work:
2) Would anyone actually notice if I didn't show up for a week?

During lunch:
3) How many consecutive days can I eat only french fries for breakfast, lunch, and dinner before I don't crave them anymore.

During what I thought would be a quick phone call to my mom, wishing her a safe flight to Thailand:
4) How much easier my life would be if I could communicate with my mom solely through text messages.

My weekend

This weekend, my brother came home to attend his 10 year high school reunion. I really loved that he brought his laundry all the way from North Carolina because he doesn't have a washer/dryer in his house. Aside from that, he really did look grown up with his shiny new wedding band.

Meanwhile, instead of my usual weekends spent eating, drinking, and sleeping, Caroline and I decided to try something new and go to an all day rock show in Asbury.

There would be nothing out of the ordinary about this except that Caroline and I don't actually like rock music. We had no idea what one wears to rock shows so we raided her little sister's closet and pilfered any article of clothing with skulls, holes, or graphics. But then we realized we looked like Avril Levine going to a Black Sabbath show...so I just opted to keep on the black liner.

Overall the night was a pretty good laugh...like Carrie Bradshaw and Samantha going to CBGB. Needless to say, I will be sticking to places that serve martinis.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Sifting through women's panties..

Last night I had the exciting task of driving down to Red Bank Police Station to look through over 100 pages of pictures of recovered stolen goods. Some items were stolen out of my car in November, and then, oh silly me for not learning my lesson, once again in December. The lowlife took my jacket I bought in Italy, $400 cash, all my change, even under the seats, my lucky Buddha, my makeup bag incuding makeup in it, and my October 06 issue of Glamour. And then in December he/she stole my Nike running sneakers that were 6 years old.

Apparently they caught someone who had been burglarizing homes in the Red Bank area who confessed to a bunch of car thefts as well. The thief was Mexican though I'm not implying anything by adding that. This man apparently stalked his targets, women in their 20s, before breaking into their homes or cars. Apparently he stole only female items that he kept for his own personal pleasure. I looked through pictures of pink ipods, purses, shoes, jewelry, makeup, razors, and photos of the women that he stole from which he had hanging in his own room.

Unfortunately I was not able to identify anything as mine which means there's another fucker still out there wearing my jacket and Nike's, stroking my lucky Buddha. All I left with was the detective's number.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

How to get a woman in the sack:

I went to the Park Ave South CVS today near the W Hotel. On line in front of me stood a Spanish man, 5'2, medium build, frosted hair, and not very attractive. I looked over his shoulder to see what he was buying. In his hands were:

1) A card
2) A bag of atomic fireballs
3) A pack of magnum condoms

Nothing like a romantic card and some fireballs to get you in the mood!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

My Roommate's Birthday

Of course when I tell these guys that I'm going out for one drink, and only because Sergio's finally a real man, it really means 2 margheritas, 1 car bomb, 1 yager bomb, 1 red drink, and 2 bottles of wine. I'm really glad I drew the line when Andrew tried to make me drink Sergio's MamaJuana from the Dominican. And I'm also really glad that someone came home and forgot the difference between a toilet and a bath mat. Oh and I'm also really glad I stepped in it.

Happy Birthday Sergio!

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Appropriate VS. Not

I went to the Union Square A&P today to pick up some turkey meatballs to add to my dinner tonight. The express lane took long as hell because no one, including me, would tell the couple in front of me that just because you split up your 47 grocery items in half it still does not equal 15 or less items. Instead, I thought glaring at the cashier girl would make the line move faster. While mentally causing harm to her with my eyes, I did find another reason to hate her and that was her offensive hot pink thong with diamond heart ornaments hanging out of the back of her too tight black A&P store clerk pants. I mean, who wears thongs with diamond dangly things on them besides porn stars and middle school sluts? And maybe girls who work at Wet Seal. And Bar-A bartenders. And the people who have their bellies pierced with dangly butterflies and playboy bunnies. And...oh whatever.

While I'm on the topic of offensive attire I just want to comment on all of the inappropriateness that comes with summer. There are some things that just don't go together like white pants and black thongs, or booty shorts and cellulite, or size 9 feet and size 7 platform heels. I have a lot of feet pet peeves since I avoid eye contact on the path by staring at people's feet and I only look down when I walk in the city to avoid stepping in dog poo or on a homeless person. I hate long toenails, or chipped polish. I hate dirty white flip flops, or just dirty feet in general. Unrelated to feet, I hate sweaty hair on sweaty foreheads.

But what I must say I think is appropriate are short hemlines and I may just be applying this to myself. I've been having difficulty lately, while shopping, trying to figure out whether what I'm trying on is meant to be worn as a shirt or a dress. I mean, long shirts have been the trend, and I'm a short person, and I just can't tell if it's longer because it's a dress or because I have a shorter torso than the average person. I've had a few instances where I wore something out as a dress and saw another girl wearing it out as a shirt. I worry that I look a tad slutty but then I figure when else am I going to be allowed to wear minis again? In a few years it will be deemed inappropriate solely due to my age. And if that's not justification enough to wear a shirt out as a dress I think of Nora Ephron's comment about wishing she wore bikinis more when she was in her twenties. I would hate to look back on my twenties and think, "God, I wish I wore shorter skirts."

My New Friend Zach Braff

I don't consider myself a total loser or anything but out of agonizing boredom at work today I was reading actor Zach Braff's blog and I found it to be rather amusing. Then I saw a link on his blog that said "click HERE if you want to be my myspace friend" and I was like sure why not? And as I clicked on the "add as friend" button after the question "Are you sure you want to add Zach Braff as a friend?" I was like wow I might be a total loser. But then I was like wouldn't it be cool if he added me and maybe even wrote to me? Maybe I could introduce him to my friend Angie and all 3 of us could hang out sometime.


Last night on 1st and Allen:

Man (in an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice): Ya, like, I used to be really active. I played everything..I played lacrosse and...
Girl (in a loud drunken voice): Oh my God! Like you totally suck dick!
Man: Ya, like, I totally wore skirts and had teammates shove sticks up my ahss.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

The F*ck Up

"I came to New York for the roaches, the filth, the sense of intimidation, the foul odors, the violence and...oh yeah, the sky rocket rents and the overpopulation, not to forget the freezing winters or the insanely hot summers." Arthur Nersesian