Appropriate VS. Not

I went to the Union Square A&P today to pick up some turkey meatballs to add to my dinner tonight. The express lane took long as hell because no one, including me, would tell the couple in front of me that just because you split up your 47 grocery items in half it still does not equal 15 or less items. Instead, I thought glaring at the cashier girl would make the line move faster. While mentally causing harm to her with my eyes, I did find another reason to hate her and that was her offensive hot pink thong with diamond heart ornaments hanging out of the back of her too tight black A&P store clerk pants. I mean, who wears thongs with diamond dangly things on them besides porn stars and middle school sluts? And maybe girls who work at Wet Seal. And Bar-A bartenders. And the people who have their bellies pierced with dangly butterflies and playboy bunnies. And...oh whatever.

While I'm on the topic of offensive attire I just want to comment on all of the inappropriateness that comes with summer. There are some things that just don't go together like white pants and black thongs, or booty shorts and cellulite, or size 9 feet and size 7 platform heels. I have a lot of feet pet peeves since I avoid eye contact on the path by staring at people's feet and I only look down when I walk in the city to avoid stepping in dog poo or on a homeless person. I hate long toenails, or chipped polish. I hate dirty white flip flops, or just dirty feet in general. Unrelated to feet, I hate sweaty hair on sweaty foreheads.

But what I must say I think is appropriate are short hemlines and I may just be applying this to myself. I've been having difficulty lately, while shopping, trying to figure out whether what I'm trying on is meant to be worn as a shirt or a dress. I mean, long shirts have been the trend, and I'm a short person, and I just can't tell if it's longer because it's a dress or because I have a shorter torso than the average person. I've had a few instances where I wore something out as a dress and saw another girl wearing it out as a shirt. I worry that I look a tad slutty but then I figure when else am I going to be allowed to wear minis again? In a few years it will be deemed inappropriate solely due to my age. And if that's not justification enough to wear a shirt out as a dress I think of Nora Ephron's comment about wishing she wore bikinis more when she was in her twenties. I would hate to look back on my twenties and think, "God, I wish I wore shorter skirts."