Friday, August 21, 2009

Crazies on Craigslist

I seriously spend my days stalking apartment listings on Craigslist. I refresh every few minutes so that I can respond to these listings the moment they're up.

Last night I was just chuckling to myself at all the weirdo's out there who are searching for roommates. Born again Christians searching for someone to Be Blessed with, Sober Roommates Only (obvi not me!), and Normal Guy seeking blue collar straight male, Cheap Rent for nooky on the side. (It wasn't even that cheap! $899!)

Amongst the crazies though (yes, I associate sober living with crazy) was this hilarious and specific posting below. I loved the title and the rest of the post had me laughing out loud.

Seeking third roommate, for time of their lives
Date: 2009-08-20, 9:32PM
High-powered publishing executive and curator of a well-known Chelsea art gallery are looking for an intelligent, fun-loving, witty, slightly bedraggled heathen, with panache! You must be in your early 23's.
Likes:
-David Lynch
-Kings of Convenience
-Pinot Noir
-Air Conditioning
-Bahn-Mi
-Treasure Trolls
-Chairs of all shapes and sizes (Eames, Corbusier, van der Rohe, Starcke, Neutra, Arad, Saarinen, & Co.......)
-Michael Showalter
Dislikes:
-Fundamentalists
-Jennifer Aniston
-Smegma
-Murray Hill
-The Pains of Being Pure at Heart
-Owls
-Nylon
YOU: are looking to live in the heart of New York's creative capital, with some of New York's most creative capitalists.
WE: are looking for a John Ritter to complete our Joyce DeWitt and Suzanne Sommers (you must refer to our super at all times as "Mr. Roper").
Here are the deets: beautiful three-bedroom loft, featuring sea-foam green, cacti and aloe, monochromatic white trinkets, a semi-functional library, AC, free laundry and wifi, an assortment of overpriced health foods, abundant views of Manhattan from a finished, bedecked rooftop, and two, lovable biscuits looking to be buttered. The room is open for September 1st, and the lease runs for a full year. We would love to befriend you, feed you, and then cook you in our state-of-the-art oven! How about a meet'n'greet sometime soon?
Actual testimonials:
"I lived here for an entire fucking year and I'm still alive."
-Lily (our old roommate)
"They didn't hit me, I swear! The door knob hit me in the eye!"
-Lily (our old roommate)
"Two biscuits is right, so long as they come from the Cracker Barrel."
-Lily (our old roommate)


Darn. I like Owls. : (

3 comments:

The Novelista Barista said...

hahahha oh. my godd.
hahahah

Anonymous said...

So what was wrong with this?!

Sounds fab!

-Britt J

Joanna said...

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