I've had a lot going on lately; job loss, giving up my apartment, moving, etc. I slept in my apartment for the last time last night. I laid on the borrowed air mattress in an empty room and was hit with a wave of sadness. Isn't it ironic? I feel like I've come full circle. This is exactly how it was when I moved in. I didn't have my furniture yet and was sleeping on the same borrowed mattress in an empty room.
I thought about TA. I wanted him to come over. Of course, he couldn't. I saw him the other day and I wonder if it will be our last time. He began as a rebound. Over a year later, I think I've fallen for the guy I've always known was all wrong for me. As much as I try to deny it to myself, I'm really going to miss him.
Rain poured down in the city today and as I walked down the street, umbrella-less and luggage in tow, the tears followed. I tried to stop, but I was soaked from head to toe, no one noticed my face was wet from tears and not the rain.
I stayed with Wifey last night. Sometimes you really have to stop and take a look at what you have and really be thankful for it. I have no home and my family is far away; my friends are my family. Wifey, someone who had recently only been in my life for 4 months, took me into her home, dried my eyes, listened to my troubles, hugged me, fed me, and loved me. Her mother made sure my glass of vodka was never empty. I felt so comforted. I felt at home, again, on the air mattress that they had lent me.
Later, she helped lighten my baggage, metaphorically and literally. As I held up random things, a hair curler, 2 hats, a bottle of wine, some skanky shirts, she looked up briefly and with a quick shake of her head said, "Yes, no, no, no, yes." In 5 seconds she managed to do what I couldn't do over days. I said, "This is why I should just marry you. You are the common sense to my nonsense."