Wednesday, September 9, 2009
from slightly ajar to wide open! (no pun intended)
(Image via Le Love)
Last week I met up with TA for the first time since I got back from Thailand. We had agreed to be just friends but I was surprised that I was still insanely attracted to him. He is the antithesis of a nice guy. He is emotionally unavailable and breaks plans constantly. I could always rely on him to be unreliable. He will never be more yet I enjoy hanging out with him. He doesn't pretend to not be an asshole. He is always up front with me about where we stand. He's known me at my worst, yet he still finds me "cute."
Wifey tells me I can't meet anyone new unless he is out of my life. I agree. I told Bionic Woman that I didn't want to open this door again. She commented, "Sounds like the door is a bit 'ajar' if you will but not yet 'open'." Maaaaybe just a crack but I'm trying my hardest not to open it again.
I saw TA again this week. I had a great day at work and felt like celebrating. We met up for drinks at an outdoor bar. As I sat there across from him, I thought, "Uh oh."
I texted Wifey under the table: I am with TA. Why do I find him so attractive?
She texted back: Look away! It's an illusion!
It is isn't it? The intimacy that we have, it's all an illusion; the forehead kisses, the tucking my hair behind my ear, the spooning, the perfect nuzzle spot in his clavicle...
It's not real.