Monday, October 19, 2009
My date last week didn't exactly go as planned. I was really excited for it but was pretty exhausted and my date, whom we'll call NG, wasn't feeling well. I think we both weren't "on" that night. We had plans to meet my friends for drinks afterwards but NG apologized for not feeling well and had to go home after dinner. I definitely want to give it another chance though.
I met my friends in the West Village and throughout the night both TA and a new boy, M, were texting me. What to do? What to do? Of course I always want to see TA but do I really want to fall back into our routine again? I wanted to see M but didn't want to get into the habit of "coming over" after the bars. I sat at the bar, debating back and forth for 20 minutes. Miss Brit tried to help decide. "It's simple really," she said, "which one's better in bed?" I could answer that question, but I still couldn't decide. I almost wanted to toss a coin. Surely guys have done that right? I don't know what was the tie breaker in the end but I should've chosen to go home. Neither one treat me the way I deserve to be treated.
I had a moment of epiphany this weekend. Bear with me because most of you would say, "Duh," but how would we grow if we don't learn our lessons on our own right? Bionic Woman told me that M bears quite a resemblance to TA with the way he treats me. She says that for some unknown reason I am drawn to assholes. She is right, this I already knew. I exclaimed (a little too loudly) over brunch this weekend that I love dicks. The record stopped, the entire restaurant turned to look at me as if I meant, dicks, the male anatomy, not dicks, the actual male. I realize that I let TA and M get away with their male anatomy behavior because I have no expectations of them. I don't want them to be my boyfriend, therefore I don't expect them to treat me like a girlfriend.
Not meeting expectations is one thing. Not treating me with respect is another. The latter I can't accept.
(Image via Le Love)