just add water, brace for disaster

It's a certain boy's birthday and I had no idea what to get him so I thought it would be nice to bake him a cake. I really wanted to make a Pillsbury funfetti cake (my fave when i was younger!) but he had mentioned that he likes oreos and cookie cakes. (I was like, "huh? what's a cookie cake?") I started googling recipes and ideally aimed to make something like this:

But there were so many recipes and the ingredients and directions just had my head spinning. I didn't have a cake pan or mixer, didn't know the difference between all 4 sugars  in the recipe, and had to text Bionic Woman to ask her what it meant to "fold." She replied, "Hahahaha. I feel like I need to come over and help you." I was determined to make this special, on my own, but had to text her a million more times with apparently retarded questions. She replied, "I can't with you and this baking right now."

I was completely overwhelmed at the grocery store while trying to buy the ingredients. NYC grocery stores are like the size of a 7-eleven and yet I just can't figure out where anything is. I settled for buying boxed mixes that had pictures on the front that looked close to what I was trying to achieve. The kitchen looked like a disaster and I was amazed that one could have such a hard time when the only directions were, "Add water. Stir."

I was pretty impressed with my improvisation skills though. I used my muddler (for making drinks) to crush the oreos into a crumb topping. (move over Martha!) I won't really mention the other things I put in there when I couldn't figure out what the recipe called for.

I texted Bionic again to tell her, "This is the saddest attempt ever. I am failing at domesticity." This is the finished product:



I hope he appreciates the thought and effort I put into this cake. That's all this cake has got going for it.