Monday, January 19, 2009

I'm free!

I FINALLY moved the last of my belongings out of my ex boyfriend's apt. We had been broken up for over a year but he said I could leave some things in his basement storage and I took him up on the offer because I felt at least he owed me that much. Of course, he didn't let my last day ever of having to deal with him go smoothly. We had agreed on a time to meet at his place and of course when I showed up at said time, he was not there and did not answer his phone for 3 hours. I'm assuming he figured he wasted 3 years of my life, what's another 3 hours? Fucker. I was physically shaking from my anger and thought of all the ways I wanted to cause bodily harm to him. Since, he wasn't there, nor was his car, I had to cross smashing in his face and his car off the list. I thought I'll piss on his door! Dammit, I wish there was a cat around so I could squeeze it for that awful cat piece smell. Better yet, I'll poop on his door! It'll be a symbolic statement of what a piece of shit he is. Or I wanted to remove all the contents of his basement, put it on the sidewalk down the block and write, "FREE STUFF. PLEASE HELP YOURSELF!" I still felt like he still would go on not knowing what a despicable, worthless person he is. I'll settle for writing him a letter detailing all the reasons why he is a horrible person. I'll put anthrax in it....hmmmm.

Now that I don't have to worry about him throwing out my stuff...I don't have to play nice anymore. Which reminded me of this funny story:

A while back, perhaps a year or two into our relationship, he had dumped me, yet again, for like the 14th time. The day he dumped me, I went out drinking away my misery. At the end of the night, of course, I still lived with him and had no place to go so I went back to his place. Drunk as a skunk, having to pee like a racehorse, I was trying to jab my keys into the front door. The key wouldn't fit. I tried all my keys. None of them fit. I thought, that bastard changed his locks already! I had to pee so bad I couldn't think straight. I couldn't drive anywhere. There were no nearby stores. It was way too cold to pop a squat outside. Plus, what if someone saw me? I did the only thing I could think of. I peed in his hallway. His carpeted hallway. It's probably still there!

Afterwards, ahh, sigh, relief, I could think straight again. I tried the key one more time and realized I had been jamming it into the wrong keyhole. Woops!


Lali said...

omg! you told the out on the internet.....


i love you for THAT

remind me to tell you the duck story one day, but please make sure i am drunk

Anonymous said...

Haha I don't think I ever heard the last story before! I am SO happy that your done with him. Good riddance.