members only

I braved the torrential rain, strong winds, and flood warnings last night to meet up with my friend, Care Bears, and her husband who were in NYC for a birthday party. She had recently started reading my blog and throughout the night she made me laugh because after everything we were doing she would ask, "Are you going to go home and blog about this now?"

We met for dinner at Hillstone with 2 other couples and I, of course, was the 7th wheel. It's not that I'm uncomfortable with that. If each event I attend is a measurement of time, well, I've been the token single girl for years now. But as I sat, wedged between 2 couples, turning my head from side to side as if I was at a tennis match, trying to follow their conversation, I felt...well, I felt very aware of my single-ness. The more I couldn't relate to their stories, the more I slunk lower in my seat feeling like there was a blinking neon arrow above my head that says, "Inadequate." I listened to my friends and I thought, "But they haven't changed one bit. They're still the same people I've known and loved for years. Why am I having trouble keeping up with the conversation?"

I think I feel like they've joined a members only club that only lets you in if you've applied for a mortgage, own more than a microwave, and have hosted a dinner party. Meanwhile, I'm still struggling to find a job and don't have enough friends to invite to a dinner party. Soon they'll start having babies and become members of the Mom Club where they'll start saying things like, "You'll understand when you're a mother."

I want to understand. I really do! Think they would let me in with a Sam's club membership? I could borrow my mom's card.




This image has nothing to do with this post but I liked the caption from Jezebel; Always a Bridesmaid, Never Any Pants.