First Responders:

I got my first response to the TONY singles story at 11:30 a.m. today. The issue just hit stands today! I had to wonder about this guy. I mean, it's almost like calling the same night that you got someone's number. Sniff sniff. I smell a little desperation. My instinct was right. This guy wrote like an entire essay about himself. Paragraphs! I scrolled to the bottom waiting to see something that would explain why he chose to write to me out of 50 other girls. Something along the lines of, "I saw that you like to swim, me too!" Or "I've been looking for a girl who has balls I can bust!" Any type of connection! Instead, he wrote all about himself AND included a picture of himself. I'm not one to rule out suitors for looks, but he was wearing a ribbed turtleneck sweater! Read: I like my condoms ribbed. Not sweaters.

Later I got a text from a fellow TONY single. She said she got her first reply. I said, let me guess, was his name P? Sure enough, same guy.

My next response seemed more normal. At least it was shorter and he actually wrote my name instead of "To Whom it May Concern." But that's about all I can give him credit for. His email read:

Nina,

I saw your ad on TONY and wanted to get to know you. However, I am a bit puzzled why a woman who has so much to offer needs to advertise. I am just curious.

K

Dear K,
First of all, it's not an ad. I did not pay money to put my profile in the magazine. So I wouldn't call it an ad nor would I say I'm advertising. I'm more like fish that's starting to go bad so they sell me as Saturday night's special. I'm here if you want it. I won't last long.

Now my question to you. If you have anything at all to offer, I wonder why do you need to respond to an ad? Just curious.