Friday, May 1, 2009

Do you have any regrets?

Whenever someone asks me this question, especially those pesky online quizzes and surveys, I always ponder briefly and say no. I've done a lot of stupid things in my 26 years of life, and I mean A LOT, but I wouldn't take any of it back. I'd say, for the most part, I've learned from any mistakes I've made and I wouldn't be the, ahem, wise and independent person that I am today had I not learned these lessons on my own.

I was reflecting on my London trip on the flight back (British Airways rocks by the way, unlimited, free wine!) and I realized that I did have one tiny regret. During the trip, I met up with an old friend, and we went to the press screening of Wolverine (really great movie!) and dinner. Upon seeing him I thought he was more handsome than I had remembered, four years ago. He had grown a beard which, obvi, I love! I had "fancied" him in the past but I really didn't know how would it be when I saw him. He was just as I remembered, cute and funny, except for the fact that he didn't seem to fancy me this time. C'est la vie, right? I was bummed but still had a great time catching up with him, absence of snogging aside.

It was getting late, he drove me home, we hugged, and said our goodbyes. We added some more small chit chat and then he leaned in for a kiss. I turned to him, a little off guard because we had already hugged goodbye, and I kissed him, half missing his lips. Dot. Dot. Dot. And that was when I realized I missed his lips because he was just going to kiss me on my cheek. OMG, I was mortified. I mumbled something like, "Oh shit, I'm sorry," and ran out of the car. Oh god, my stomach still turns with embarrassment when I think about how far from "cool" I was. Erm, what's socially awkward times a million? Yeah, that's me.

Looking back on it though, I still can't imagine what was going on in his head. I had a great time with him, I was clearly into him, and I have to wonder, really, what's the worse that could happen had I tried to kiss him, without missing his lips, and without running out of the car immediately after. The only time that I ever made the first move, and leaned in for a kiss, was in Sixth Grade, when I tried to kiss my "boyfriend", J. I opened my eyes halfway since I didn't feel anything touching my lips, and saw that he had pulled away as far as he could with a face of disgust, and said, "Get away, what are you doing??!!" Surely, that's the worst that could happen, right?

I thought back to my good friend, Tomson, who died in a motorcycle accident 2 years ago, and how I wished I hadn't let my shyness get in the way of being with him. I had forgotten the motto that I try to live by, a lesson learned from Tomson's too soon departure from this world; Life is short. Just kiss him.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

So tragic about your friend :( He sounds like he lived the life that I wish I could.

As far as the beard guy, just do what I do. If a guy I'm interested in is not interested in me, I have no choice but to come to the conclusion that he is gay.

It's the only thing that makes sense. There's no way any straight guy wouldn't be eager to shag you rotten, Neen. He was either waiting for you to make the first move and was upset that you ran off, or he's gay. Period.

-Britt J